The Healing Power of Forgiveness
In life, why are there some things that are so difficult to say? How can three simple words be so powerful yet so hard to say; “please forgive me?” I would like to share my testimony with you about the healing power of forgiveness.
My story began with the acceptance of my “dream job” of becoming a high school head football coach in the spring of 1996. Everything about this job was perfect! Or so it seemed. Our current home sold before we even put it on the market. The perfect home became available in our new community at the perfect price in the perfect neighborhood shortly after I had accepted the perfect job. Nothing about this decision could be wrong as God’s hand was clearly in this situation from the beginning. It was clear to me that God had a plan for my life through coaching and teaching. I knew He would help me to build a competitive and winning football program at a high school that hadn’t experienced much success over the past 25 years.
Looking back, I realize now God did have a plan for me through this experience. But there was just one small problem. It wasn’t my plan. For you see there were just a few early warning signs that all was not going to be well with the PERFECT coaching job! There were going to be a few curve balls.
Shortly after accepting the position, I received the first of several curve balls; a letter in the mail signed by approximately 50 young men from my new school. Wow! I thought this is great, a letter from group of teenagers expressing to me their excitement and enthusiasm about having a new football coach. Wrong! The letter stated that there was already someone in their community they wanted for their head coach and suggested I reconsider my decision.
A couple weeks after receiving this letter my principal called me into his office to deliver the second curve ball. He asked if I was absolutely sure about this new job. He wanted to know if I was completely aware of the circumstances surrounding the situation. Things such as the previous head coach had been fired amid controversy? The Board of Education had been split in their vote to accept me as their new coach. Several had insisted the school hire the current JV head coach. I assured him I knew all of these facts, but still believed this was the right decision.
The first couple of years as head football coach were filled with successes; winning football games and building a very competitive football program. However, there were numerous challenges and roadblocks to overcome. The coach the players had wanted for their new head coach remained the JV coach until the completion of my 1st season as head football coach. Half the players supported him and half supported me. Parents were also divided in their support and loyalty. Dissention was common and at times our team’s play reflected this. At the end of the season I had to fire him. A very popular decision!
Parents and players were very upset with me for this decision. However, there was much undermining and disrespect behind the scenes that parents and players were not aware of; at least not yet. To make matters worse, the coach’s family was prominent in the community; one family member was a teacher in the same building I taught in. Soon after the firing, the entire community seemed to have first hand knowledge of accounts and details of the entire situation. Much was said about me throughout the community both positive and negative. There were people whom I worked with that would not speak with me.
It would be fair to say, a real hatred had developed between myself and the dismissed coach. I had told him during his dismissal meeting with the Athletic Director that I would consider rehiring him in the future if he was willing to treat me with respect, follow my leadership, remain loyal, and demonstrate a willingness to develop a coaching camaraderie. His response still rings in my ears, “I wouldn’t consider coaching anything with you again, even if you came crawling on your hands and knees begging.”
The former coach concentrated his efforts on coaching in the basketball program. He was also the head JV basketball coach. Several years passed and the tension and controversy continued until a fateful winter evening.
I received a telephone call, as a member of the school district’s crisis intervention team, that the father of two of my football players was killed in a snow mobile accident earlier that evening. Russ was a friend and Christian brother. He was one person I had come to know well and admired. He and his family were deeply committed Christians. One of his sons was a former team captain on my football team and the younger was currently playing for me. His daughter was currently a student in one of my classes. Because of my close relationship with the family it did not take long to learn of the details of this tragedy.
The next morning at school was spent counseling with grieving students and teachers. Person after person shared how they were grieving over the tragic loss of Russ. I too was grieving deeply but had to repress all of these feelings in my role as counselor and comforter. As each person related compelling stories and accounts of their relationship with Russ and the impact his loss would have on their life the Holy Spirit began to convict me. You see, the real tragedy wasn’t the loss of Russ’ life. The real tragedy was the words that will never be heard by a young lady in desperate need of hearing her father say, “I forgive you.”
That evening, Russ’ 18 year old unwed 12th grade daughter had finally mustered up the courage to tell her father that she was pregnant. Speechless and without words, Russ became angry and upset. Not wanting to say or do anything he might later regret, Russ and his youngest son, 17 year old Brian, took the two family snow mobiles out for a run to relieve the tension and anger Russ was feeling. With Brian following, Russ crested a hill just before dark at full throttle, not knowing another snow mobiler was ascending the same hill... in the opposite direction. ; Both were involved in a head on collision. One of the other snow mobiler’s front skis caught Russ in the head. He was killed on impact.
Through this tragedy, I came to grips with how my own pride and short-comings had contributed to a troubled situation including a number of broken and strained relationships. The Holy Spirit gently spoke to me urging me to seek forgiveness from those I had hurt.
Later, I spoke with my old JV Head football coach and confessed that I had said things to demean and hurt him over the past 3 years. I asked for him to forgive me. To my surprise, he listened and said he forgave me.
Shortly after this conversation, God provided other opportunities for me to share with other people involved in the football program. One by one, relationships slowly began to be healed and made whole again. People who hadn’t spoken to me for several years were now willing to have meaningful conversations. And for me, it felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. In spite of the successes I experienced through coaching the football program, I had felt as though this dark cloud was shrouding everything I was involved in. Through the healing of these broken relationships, gradually the cloud was lifted.
And God’s sense of humor was also demonstrated through all of these events. The coach who once said I wouldn’t coach anything with you again, even if you came crawling on your hands and knees begging actually asked me to consider being an assistant coach in his basketball program. I gladly accepted the opportunity and we shared several years of coaching and working together to shape and mold the lives of many young men in that community through athletics.
The lesson learned through this experience for me was that sometimes God calls us to swallow our pride and reputation. To admit when we are wrong or have wronged others and seek forgiveness, not only from the Lord, but from the people involved. The healing power of forgiveness indeed can cleanse not only ourselves but those around us and do so in some very strange and unexpected ways, all for the purpose of bringing glory and honor to the name of God.