First Church of God

(This is Caleb on the ski slopes!)

Caleb is our 13 year old son.  And, he is definitely independent.  I realize that testing the waters is all the teenage years are about.  But, it is really hard to let go.  He is not going anywhere, but he sure wants to do his own thing.  And one area that Caleb and I have really had some difficulties is in the area of clothing.  I know, I know, a minor thing!  And, I am trying my best not to make it a major issue.  But, sometimes it is just about impossible to keep my mouth shut.  For some reason I have been under the impression that teenage girls were the ones with major opinions about clothing. Well, I am not under that impression any longer. 

On the day that my boys were born until today I have always bought their clothes.  They might tell me what they don't like or a few preferences, but I wouldn't say that they have ever really cared what was hanging in their closet. As long as they were clothed they really had no opinion.  Now, that seems to be all Caleb can do, is have an opinion.  About EVERYTHING.  So, today they had the day off school and I thought it would be fun to go to the movies.  Just lunch at DQ and a movie.  I am realizing that everywhere we go at this point, is a possible point for fashion evaluation.  I mean, we might see someone we know.  And, our hair must be groomed to perfection, proper shoes must be worn, and our shirts must not be too small nor must they be too big...they have to be just right.  Does this sound like a chapter from "Goldilocks and The Three Bears" to you? (They never really tell you how old Goldilocks is, but I bet she was a teenager. It did take her three "tries" to find one that was just right, of whatever she was checking out at the moment.  Does this sound familiar to those of you with teenagers? Indecisive, hard to please, and messy.  She didn't even bother to clean up after herself, now did she? Anyway, I digress!) 

You see, Caleb has grown several inches in the last year.  He is now the same height as me, but he has not gained any weight.  He is a bean pole.  He eats everything in his path, and yet he never puts one pound on.  Oh, how I miss those days.  I would love to have a cheeseburger that would miraculously disappear after I ate it, instead of hanging around like an additional appendage hanging over the waistband of my jeans! (Sorry for the gross analogy!)  Anyway, shirts have become the subject of many a heated argument between Caleb and I.  Every morning we go through the same conversation..."Mom, this shirt is too small. (Or, too big.)"  There is perfectly good clothing hanging in his closet that he has worn once and then it was washed (so you can't return it) and he is done with it.  I have made him try things on and to my "untrained" eye  (or so he thinks) they fit him perfectly.  But, to him they are just a little off.

Today, getting ready to go was a waiting game.  I never knew it could take a 13 year old boy longer to get ready than a 38 year old woman.  But, again my impressions have been totally blown out of the water.  After I "hurried" him along and we got into the van to head off, I started feeling a little like I had made a mountain out of a mole hill.  So, I swallowed my pride, and very nearly my gum, and I told Caleb..."I was wrong".  I told him exactly how I was feeling about him growing up and how hard it is for me to learn to let go.  Then I told him that I was glad that he took pride in the way he looked.  I did however tell him I was no longer going to even attempt to shop for him.  In essence, telling him that along with his independence there were going to be some added responsibilities...like shopping for clothes...which he really hates to do.  

I am hoping that today was a turning point for the both of us.  I hope we both grew up a little today.  I am really proud of both of my boys.  They are good students, well behaved (as long as they are not together!), and they both have a relationship with Jesus.  I guess if I have to let go...which I do...this is a good place to start.  As parents, letting go is never easy.  But, holding on is never healthy...for you or them.  I can only pray that I can accept gracefully that my boys are growing up and becoming young men.  I am prying my fingers off their lives one at a time, and I'm not sure who has further to go, me or them.  Today I took a baby step.  Caleb will never realize what the conversation we had really meant until he has children of his own, but I knew.  Caleb is growing up, and it is time that I let him.  Caleb is a gift from God, and when we dedicated him to the Lord when he was a baby I promised to one day let him go and trust the rest to God Almighty!  With the Lord's help that is what I intend to do!

It reminded me of the book of Proverbs and all the wisdom found within its pages on raising children.  Our heavenly Father knew that we would need help to navigate the waters of child rearing.  He knew today would come for me.  And, He knew I would need to be reminded to..."Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;" (Prov. 3:5) Letting go will most assuredly require understanding and wisdom straight from the throne room!  You see, the kind of wisdom that we need is found only within the intellect of a Father that let His son go, so that we could be free.